speechless thoughts

For 2 days I scrolled mindlessly through Facebook randomly “liking” other people’s posts but unable to express my own thoughts on the matter.  Honestly I was not sure what to say or how to say it.  It was as if everything I was feeling was rushing through me like a mass of water over a shattered dam.  I couldn’t even piece any of it together meaningfully. 

Finally as Day 2 drew itself slowly to a close I managed to find some expression for my thoughts and posted this on my page:

“I have struggled so much with the events of yesterday. It’s as if in moments I want to scream out, to cry, to hold my breath and close my eyes and imagine the world as it was before such unbearable heartbreak and loss.

I have called Orlando my home for the last 20 years. When I moved here I thought this town was magical. A few years ago as I passed along the highway at night with the city’s brilliant lights against the dark sky I thought how blessed I was to live in a place so open minded and full of life, so varied in its composition and so vibrant in its colors.

To say that this act of hatred has not irreparably altered the face of this town would be lying, but not in the way that one would imagine. When I took a breath and opened my eyes to the city today, I looked around and saw that it had not been diminished at his hand as one man had hoped. It had instead been made stronger. This city has shown that there was no amount of blood shed that could not be matched by the blood of its people holding out their own flesh to give their own in a time of need. That the love and compassion for each other had grown instead of waned. That the bright lights of the city burn not now nor ever in the darkness of fear but under the light of thousands of tiny candles lighting the way to the heavens for so many beautiful souls stolen from this earth.

I have always been someone who feels intensely, loves deeply, lives passionately, and when called for, battles fiercely. That is why I love this city. Because it is me. Because the people are one with it.

This city breathes in all of us, even those who set foot here only a brief time. That’s its magic.

I am proud that I am part of a community that has proven itself to be loving, resilient and strong even in the face of such unspeakable horror. #OrlandoStrong #WeAreOrlando”